Monday, November 24, 2008

giving thanks and other unsightly endeavors

thanksgiving is coming up here in just about three days. it is a day of rest, a day of eating too much,a day to hopefully think about all that is good and pure about your life: a day to make some changes for the better.
i have always loved thanksgiving and my uncle made sure that no matter in what financial shape he was in (of course as a dumb kid i could not tell that he was a struggling student when he adpoted me at the ripe of old of 23), we always had a big turkey and all the trimmings.
i had planned to spend thanksgiving with bob's mom in bellevue, washington but when i told the uncs he had such a look of disappointment, i immediately changed my mind. would i ever purposely hurt this man in any way shape or form? no fucking way. he comes first. he was/is my savior in so many ways.
so bob, his mom and i plus the uncs and his man will spend the day together. i will cook. we will drink, eat and then drink and eat again. i have honed this menu to the point that it is truly one of the best meals that i cook. i cook a lot of course but seldom prepare an entire meal: from soup to nuts as they say. it takes days, it is a pain in the ass but when we all sit down on thursday, it will be magic. on top of all of this it is supposed to rain. how sweet is that? it has been so hot here in so cal for so long that a day of food, family, friends AND cold weather in los angeles? too much to hope for, huh?
so speaking of bob: it has been a while since i have written about him...we did have our first argument, made up and then had another one. right now we are cozy. all is well but to be honest there is now a small crack on the surface of our relationship. the age difference is now more apparent, his heretofore heterosexuality is also an issue: an issue that will never be resolved. oddly enough, i am calm about this. i have accepted it. do i wince when he checks out a woman? yes but not any more than when he checks out a man. hey, i do the same and he doesn't like it either. this is life isn't it? you take the good with the bad as moms used to say. why i remember her saying this i do not know but i do.
so happy thanksgiving to my readers: sorry about the lapse in writing of late but school is grueling and frankly that is all that i can think about right now except for my moms and pops and my uncle michael and bob.
the holidays can be a bad time for many people: those who think that they have no one with which to commiserate. but, though i don't have much to offer, i do have that in spades. i understand you, i relate, i care.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

out, out damned spot

so i'm standing on the corner of state and mission having just run up to the mission from la cumbre plaza and right before my eyes a woman steps off the curb from next to me and is decimated by a car rushing by to beat the red light.
she is thrown 50 feet from me and the feeling of watching her fly through the air is like nothing i've ever felt in my life.
you know how people say: "it was like i was watching a movie?" well, that is what it was exactly like. she flew through the air and fell to the asphalt and cracked her head open.
i rushed over to help her, sweat pouring off of me, not only from the exhausting run but from the utter freakiness of the situation.
how do you help someone who is obviously beyond help? she lay on the ground, legs askew, her head profusely bleeding: bright red liquid all around her.
at least i had the presence of mind to hold her hand, say a prayer for her and call 911...all in the same split second it seemed. funny, though i am catholic, i could only think of a few phrases of the Jewish Book of the Dead which was written to be used as a guide for both the living and the dead. then i said a hail mary, people all around me: no one doing anything to comfort this woman who clung onto life long enough to say thanks to me. and then she was gone. i have never seen anyone die. i promise you that when and if you do, you will never forget it. it is as if the life force is sucked out of a person from the inside out. the eyes go blank, the body goes limp. there is no doubt that death has arrived and being so close to this woman i could actually smell her die as i think i breathed in her last breath. fucking scary...more so now as i write this than at the time.
many of you know that i lost my parents when i was very young. what you don't know is that they lost their lives in a similar manner: thrown from their car in a devastating car accident. their bodies likewise on view to a number of people who did nothing to comfort them. they died on the street, in public, no one around who cared enough to even pull my mother's skirt down. even now thinking about that one small fact makes me want to beat someone to a bloody pulp. but, at least they had each other to cling on to and when the paramedics arrived they had to pry their hands apart. i like that. it makes me smile: 2 people so in love until the very end, innit?
yeah, i told myself, once the uncs told me about this 5 years ago, that i would never let this happen to another human being if i could help it.
but did i think that i would/could actually hold it together enough to actually help someone in this way? no. not in million years.
it was a small kindness, i know this. it was an unconscious act, one guided by necessity and the enormity of the event more than by unbridled humanity, i think.
it may sound as if i am bragging and in a way i am. but not for me. it's because i was invested with the highest moral and social the uncs: uncle michael.
so yeah this whole thing is morbid i guess. maybe even self-serving and yet it is humbling: i had the balls and the presence of mind to act: i was not an observer, i was a participant.
it is real. it happened to me and, though i will never forget it, i survived.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

halloween: the aftermath

so halloween night went off as planned; meaning w/o too much "incident." carlos and greg only got into it with one str8 couple (a man and a woman no less)but bobby straightened it out very quickly.
costume roundup:
me: lioncloth, flips
bob: roman centurion w/o the metal chestplate for most of the night...which means he wore a pleated skirt...
carlos: dracula
greg: toga: but at least a short one
frank (school friend): a sleazy, fishnet wearing ho...and this guy is str8. no: i mean frank is really str8. HE almost traded blows with a guy who was trying to protect his dibs on a woman....lots of yelling and being macho but no actual blows were traded..damn!
jackie (q's manager): a bra, 50's style slip and black suede pumps a la elizabeth taylor in "cat on a hot tin roof." very subtle i thought...but i got it right away as jackie has black hair, a slammin' body, big tits...a taylor-style knockout.
we all drank too much tequila and red wine, stayed until after hours (read 5 am) then we went to a roach coach and ate carnitas tacos and very very hot salsa. then we went home.
yesterday, i was basically in a coma for most of the day. oh yeah i smoked an unbelievable cigar...montecristo when i woke up the next day..the following things were in full force:
1. a right side of my head headache
2. cigar mouth (and yes of course i brushed and flossed the night before)
3. acid stomach (the italians call it agita)
4. my feet were spotted with mud (? no idea here)
5. i couldn't move much less go to work out
6. it was all saint's day
as for #6: i had to shower, shave, dress and go to mass as all saints day is (as the tims describes in his blog) a holy day of obligation. and me, being a good catholic, had to go to church. at least i was able to beg God to help me with my head, stomach, etc. bob remained in bed until 4 pm...sleeping btw. this ability of his to sleep for hours at a time really bugs me because i can barely sleep. anyway he wakes up at 4, a big RESTED smile on his face and says to me:
"what's to eat, hub, babe?"
now, unless he was blinded by over 8 hours of continuous sleep, could he not see that i was one inch away from death's door? and this is after i went to mass, prayed to the lord to help me rid myself of this innervating hangover. so i say:
" i can make you an omelet." yup, i'm whipped. this proves it. i am forsaken.
so i raise up off the sofa like dracula out of his coffin and prepare bob a spinach, horseradish cheddar cheese and portabello mushroon omelet (6 eggs btw), rye toast and fresh coffee. i drag myself back to the sofa after this strenuous activity. bob squeezes himself behind me on said sofa and proceeds to fall asleep again!
i finally make it back to bed at 9pm after watching "the painted veil" (?) with edward norton and naomi watts: both of whom i love but please this film only proves once again that sommerset maugham cannot be made into film.
it is now mid day on sunday: i am once again feeling normal. now on to thanksgiving (with bob's mom) and christmas (the uncs) and new years (hopefully in europe...heee-hawwww!)