Thursday, October 30, 2008


happy all souls day to all of you.halloween is probably the gayest of holidays though of course it is not an official national holiday as say thanksgiving or president's day. but don't tell that to those of you who will be in west hollywood on halloween night, heh?
halloween for me this year will be spent with bob and da bros and asssorted denizens of q's. hopefully there will be no fights but i can't promise that as q's is mostly str8 except for a few days a year...and halloween is one of them.
as i've said before, a good friend of mine is the manager of q's and she protects us as much as she can but carlos and greg have big mouths and become easily slighted when anyone (gay or str8) even gives them a sidelong glance. you take the good with the bad with friends, right?
this will be a couple of firsts for bob: first time with da bros, first time in a semi-gay bar (where it is within the realm of possiblity that he might see one of his students) and the first time we have been together on halloween. i gather that he usually does nothing on halloween so just being out and about with me in downtown sb will be a new experience for him. i will protect him...hehehe.
bob took this of me with one of those postage stamp polaroids, remember them? i had to laugh when i saw the camera. it has to be 20 years old, huh. but that is just like bob. i guess he wants to paste this photo of me on his refer, maybe? (the quality is the shits but love makes you do foolish things, huh?)

so: have a groovy halloween. drink too much. smoke too much blunt. get in a fight.make lots of love.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

me and da bros

oftentimes when a man gets together in a relationship with another man, the friendships that existed before said man appeared... often go away, go on vacation, dissolve even.
i was never that kind of guy before, hated that kind of guy actually. i mean a romance is one thing but a friend ship lasts forever, right?
well carlos and greg and the other bros and i went out to q's last night (w/o bob) and they basically read me the riot act, turned me upside down and spanked me, pulled out their dicks and pissed on me. yup, they were none to happy because i was becoming one of "those" dudes, you see: the ones that bump off their friends because they are seriously seeing someone.
my bad.
carlos, greg and others (who do not want to be named because they think that they will be arrested by the ucsb police for being fags,i guess...but hey i am not in a good place with these guys right now and do not want to do something that they do not want me to. they are friends after all and i will honor their wishes) proceeded to tell me i was acting in a manner that made them feel bad, made them feel ignored and (though they didn't say it)made then feel unloved. they missed me and i didn't realize it until then, i missed them.
so the first hour of our partying at q's was strained to say the least. it was like an intervention i guess as each one of the bros took a turn letting me know how they felt, what they missed, what they wanted me to do. (it had to be carlos, the accounting major that organized this thing).
it was touching really particularly when you realize that only half of the 8 guys is gay. my str8 bros do not act in the manner we usually associate with being str8 anyway: they act emotional, loving, know like normal people.
it gave me some perspective: friends are important particularly ones that have enough feeling for you to stage an intervention, huh?
so, after the inquisition, we proceeded to party like lunatics. a couple of the bros threw up (the str8 dudes, of course), a couple hooked up which is almost impossible because q's is mostly a str8 club.
the rest of us went to ihop and ate pancakes, drank coffee and talked well into saturday morning.
this phenomena known to my bros as "friend abandonment" not only happens in the gay world but in the str8 as well. how do you explain this?
how do we avoid it? or can we?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

he lectured, he smiled, he charmed

it is always fascinating for me to watch bob, a man who shares my bed, sucks my cock and makes mad passionate love to me, in a totally different environment and acting in a learned, professional manner.
such was the case this weekend in rogers, arkansas. bob was someone different, someone whose knowledge and experience oozed out of his pores. he spoke eloquently about his specialty and while watching him i could think of nothing else except that i had just seen him naked, shaving, combing his hair and talking to me about life in general and specifically where we would go for dinner.
he was in a great mood for he was being honored for a paper he wrote last year (i knew nothing about it of course...but that is his way). he is shy, he holds most stuff back, both good and not so good. it has been my quest, and i have been above averagely successful at bringing him out of his emotional shell, to make him comfortable talking to me about the stuff that makes him tick, the stuff that he would not normally discuss with anyone: what lies in his heart and his soul.
Anyway: he was brilliant, speaking to his colleagues in a manner both personal and scholarly. i was proud of him.
rogers offers nothing much except a "w" hotel (which floored me to be honest), a good restaurant, "bone fish." rogers is also a "dry" county which means that the proprietors of bone fish have to go to a retail facility and buy liquor when they need it. i asked what would happen if i brought in a bottle of don julio tequila and they replied that i could be arrested by the federal authorities for boot legging. yet, i could bring in a bottle of go figure.
rogers and it's neighbor, bentonville exist primarily for the pleasure of the vendors
of sam's and wall mart, so needless to say bone fish was pretty empty on saturday and sunday night so that bob and i were able to get to know the workers there pretty well: not one of whom had a southern accent...all were transplants from other parts of the country, some even from southern california.
so we had our run of the place.
on sunday, we saw "appaloosa" directed by ed harris, starring the tremendously sexy viggo mortensen. "appaloosa" is a western but one in which there is a fair amount of irony and frankly seeing ed harris and viggo together on the huge screen together gave me a boner: two more beautiful mean i would be hard pressed to name. ok: brad pitt and george clooney...but who's counting? the movie was good, not great, the popcorn was cheap and the denizens of rogers were kind and considerate.
nothing much happened: it was all chill and low key. i loved it.

Friday, October 17, 2008

arkansas here i cum....

bob asked me to join him this weekend on a trip to arkansas for a psychologist thing.
wish me luck.
more later.....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

babies and other strange beings.....

to those of you who read this blog it should come as no surprise that i want to raise children. children that would be fathered by me or bob or ideally both of us.
you hire a surrogate mother, she is impregnated with my and bob's sperm and voila 9 months later: a bouncing baby girl or boy.
lately, though i know it doesn't make sense at this time, i have been thinking almost of nothing else. consequently bob has been hearing almost nothing else.
in the past he sweetly demurred because he is the type of guy who does that sort of thing...sweetly demur that is. he'd smile, pull me towards him and proceed to try to impregnate me himself. romantic, heh?
i guess what i am looking for from him is : yes, i too want to raise a child with you. there i said it: THAT is what i want to hear coming out of sweet fat juicy lips.
so far, nothing of the sort has happened. it's all about me ranting and he sweetly demurring. it drives me up a wall frankly.
other than that, things are going very well between my bobs and me.
hmmm: maybe he wants me to marry him first, heh?

remember the vampires from my summer in nyc? well the lead one,thorn (i swear that is his name) the one i almost fucked in central park on july 4th. e-mailed me and asked if he could come and visit.
of course i had to demur (ok, i'll will try to stop using this word soon) and explained to him about bob. one thing about vampires: they take rejection very easily. all he said was: ok, man cya next summer. btw: this group (coven) of vampires is very very cool and laid back. and they are all gay and english majors. i did ask thorn if he had seen true blood and all he said was: huh?
i guess they don't watch tv.
speaking of vampires: has anyone seen TRUE BLOOD on hbo? this show is very well written, well acted and the vampires, both men and women are hot as hell.
set in a small southern town (where else?)true blood proposes a world in which vampires have been turned into almost solid citizens what with the invention of synthetic blood available everywhere as "true blood."
the vampires still hold onto their thirst for human blood but most make do with true blood and attempt to lead so-called normal lives.
in the photo: bill (vampire) and sookie (not a vampire)

on other fronts: my dodgers got their expensive asses trounced by the philadelphia phillies. oh well: there is always next year.

sports-wise, i do lacrosse, soccer, surf and play the occasional baseball pick up game but bob has no sport to call his own. he is a runner and a lifter and has finally found a sport (if you can call it that) and that is golf.

bob has decided that we should both learn to play golf mostly i think because he got the bug in seattle as, while me and his moms were off doing our thing, he played golf.
now, i like golf togs: the madras shorts, the white buck golf shoes, the polo shirts but actually play it...i dunno.
but i will be a good sport and take lessons with him. more to the point it will mean that we can spend more time together and that is a good thing.
i can't wait until my after christmas vaca to europe with bob this year. those of you in europe: look out!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

baseball and other stuff...

ok, so it's saturday night one of the few nights in which i have the opportunity to socialize with friends and thank god they love baseball as much as i do.
one of the things i remember most about my pops is that he was a rabid la dodger fan and would take me, just older than an infant i think, to dodger games in chavez ravine. he drove a big car i remember but as a kid's memory usually works this bigness could very well have been that he drove a beetle.
well, no i take that back: pops was an american car guy, always bought american and advised me to do the same.
i loved my time with pops at the ball game: he and his friends would drink beer, do shots and when it got cold he would let me sit on his lap and zip me up in his jacket with him.
along the line, i developed a love for the game of baseball and played from a very early age and into high school. i mostly played first base because i was quick and intuitive and because i got to talk to all the players or those that got to first base: got a number of dates that way...btw.
anyway, bob and i are hosting a bbq, which means i am cooking and he is bar tending, tonight for the second game of the american league playoff game between the exalted boston red sox and the tampa bay rays. (i will not speak of the poor showing of the dodgers against the phillies the last couple nights or i will go ballistic).

the movie, "atonement" was on hbo today. i have seen it in the theater but watched it once again today. it seems to me that it plays better on tv in that the overblown story becomes less so. first of all the basis of the film is flimsy: a young women, for reasons only known to said young women, falsely accuses her sister's lover of rape or something to that effect, of a young girl. he is not guilty but spends time in jail but is released to fight in ww2.
for me the film catches fire only when said young woman grows old and becomes vanessa redgrave who could read the phone book on screen and i would be riveted.
redgrave has so much movie charisma that everyone else in the frame with her fades away.
unfortunately, redgrave is in only about 10 minutes of a 2 hour film.

note to boxing fans: oscar de la hoya will (hopefully) fight his final bout on december 6. it will be the end of a glorious and illustrious career whether he wins or not. but he better win.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

"your happiness makes others sad..."

as a way of avoiding the presidential debate tonight, i clicked the tv over to hbo and the chris rock special. it was he who spouted the above statement. it is true of course though people who are happy (as in me) tend to forget it. but i promise you, we forget it only for a short period of time. then comes a period of indecision and negative enlightenment and then it goes away. so i will be god damned if i don't grab onto to it now that i have it. and if i make you sad because i am happy be assured that i will once again be counted in the ranks of the sad, the unhappy, the disgusted, the one counting my degrees instead of giddily counting the moles on my man's back.
and is sad the correct word? shouldn't it be jealousy, which is a far cry from sad, i think in that with sadness there is usually pathos whereas with jealousy there is only despair and self-hate.
so i'm thinking about what timmy said the other day in regards to my bubbling over happiness bubbling over. his comment came from a kind place, of course...but a realistic one also.
basically, to be honest, my life has not been a big fuckin' bowl of cherries and in regards to my current happiness: it will not last. the other shoe will drop. i will come to hate bob's habits or he will come to despise mine.
we both have a lot invested in our relationship: time,emotional committment, reputation. we're deliriously happy. deal with it.