Saturday, October 25, 2008

me and da bros

oftentimes when a man gets together in a relationship with another man, the friendships that existed before said man appeared... often go away, go on vacation, dissolve even.
i was never that kind of guy before, hated that kind of guy actually. i mean a romance is one thing but a friend ship lasts forever, right?
well carlos and greg and the other bros and i went out to q's last night (w/o bob) and they basically read me the riot act, turned me upside down and spanked me, pulled out their dicks and pissed on me. yup, they were none to happy because i was becoming one of "those" dudes, you see: the ones that bump off their friends because they are seriously seeing someone.
my bad.
carlos, greg and others (who do not want to be named because they think that they will be arrested by the ucsb police for being fags,i guess...but hey i am not in a good place with these guys right now and do not want to do something that they do not want me to. they are friends after all and i will honor their wishes) proceeded to tell me i was acting in a manner that made them feel bad, made them feel ignored and (though they didn't say it)made then feel unloved. they missed me and i didn't realize it until then, i missed them.
so the first hour of our partying at q's was strained to say the least. it was like an intervention i guess as each one of the bros took a turn letting me know how they felt, what they missed, what they wanted me to do. (it had to be carlos, the accounting major that organized this thing).
it was touching really particularly when you realize that only half of the 8 guys is gay. my str8 bros do not act in the manner we usually associate with being str8 anyway: they act emotional, loving, affectionate...you know like normal people.
it gave me some perspective: friends are important particularly ones that have enough feeling for you to stage an intervention, huh?
so, after the inquisition, we proceeded to party like lunatics. a couple of the bros threw up (the str8 dudes, of course), a couple hooked up which is almost impossible because q's is mostly a str8 club.
the rest of us went to ihop and ate pancakes, drank coffee and talked well into saturday morning.
this phenomena known to my bros as "friend abandonment" not only happens in the gay world but in the str8 as well. how do you explain this?
how do we avoid it? or can we?
peace,
t.

5 comments:

Tim in Italy said...

Love relationships are hard work, especially at the beginning when you're trying to sort out how best to make this all work. I'm not exactly sure, but I also seem to recall there being an age difference between you and Bob? If so, that adds something to the mix as well. I've seen jealous friends allowed to destroy a budding relationship, just as I have seen jealous lovers allowed to destroy friendships years old. But in either case the key word is "allowed". You are in control here.

When Pete and I got together, we faced similar problems. The age difference didn't help. He loved raves and his rave buddies; I did too, but only to a point. We decided that Saturday nights were his to do as he pleased. Pete was, and still is, a very beautiful guy and everyone told me I was crazy. That he was just going to go out and fuck everything in sight. But we both put a great deal in trust and the plan worked out extremely well, and it gave us something to talk about.

If you study Rune divination, you will note that one of the basic principles of relationships is that you and partner should be close, but that "there should always be enough space between you for the wind to blow through".

tyler said...

bob is 36, i am 23.
it is not bob who is holding me back from seeing my friends. in fact, he encourages it.
i have just wanted to spend most of my time with him.
this will change now.
t.

Tim in Italy said...

Nice new photo, by the way, but you look awfully serious... or maybe were you just cold...

tyler said...

tims:
drunk off my ass is more like it.
t.

Anonymous said...

You look good drunk! lol.

Good stories, how fun. Who hooked it up? The gay bros or the str8 bros? Just wondering. I'm rooting for the gay ones.

I don't have a boyfriend so I can't relate to this post unfortunately, but I'm sure you'll sort it all out and spend your time the way you want to and spread the
love around to the whole gang!