Friday, April 25, 2008

random thoughts and situations on a friday afternoon....

so today was a good day.. a very good day at school: workouts went well, classes even better though my bob was absent today, a victim of the flu that seems to be going around. odd, that the flu is even an issue here lately as the temp has been in the 80's for a while though, of course, the temp has nothing to do with the flu bug.
so, it was a minor bummer not to see bob's bright face and crooked smile today: a face and smile that is always full of wonder,positivity, hope and most importantly...kindness and a thorough understanding of what makes us all tick.

the charges ("mayhem," remember?) against carlos and greg have been dropped and the noise coming from carlos' bedroom is definitely not from a woman's throat but from a mans: i.e. one gregory. this is cool for both of them but as we all know it is a slippery slope trying to sustain a relationship with a bi-sexual. personally I would always be carrying around the thought that carlos would be looking around for a replacement, which is bad enough...but a replacement of the female gender. but thank god, carlos is not my problem in that way though as friends he is a problem in quite a few other ways.

american idol: though at first i hated this daughtry wannabee, david cook after this weeks andrew lloyd webber-fest, his performance of "music in the night" was unbelievably stellar in every way: WOW! the other david as in david archuleta was good but not as good as his counterpart, david cook. just for the record, i also loved dreadlocked, jason's interpretation of "memories" : albeit a weird choice for a dude but jason showed an emotional depth that very few of the other contestants could match. all these three gave much more than surface readings of their songs: songs that were written and first performed before these dudes were born.

tonight: no partying for this guy as i have a saturday, all day seminar with bob on my specialty: sports psych. hopefully bob shows up. as i am typing this i am about one millimeter/one second away from getting up and making him a sterling chicken soup with roasted chicken breasts and veggies but if i went over to his house with a pot of this and there were a woman there tending to his aches and pains i would probably kill myself. anyway: it's bill maher on hbo for me tonight, a couple of tokes and tomorrow is another story.

facebook: anyone else think that it is ridiculously complicated?

love has been on my mind of late or more to the point a lack of love in my life from a special someone that is. i have and enjoy love from friends and from my uncle michael there is no doubt but to put it bluntly, i need a boyfriend even if it doesn't work out ya know: someone to fuck, someone with whom to hold hands at the movies, someone who asks me to iron his shirt in the morning (a skill i learned from my mother who was an expert at it), someone i can depend on and he on me. i don't think i am asking for a lot nor am i asking for something for an extended period of time. i just need it for the now.
aretha: say a little prayer, ain't no way...lorraine ellison: stay with me baby, madama butterfly (freni,pavarotti), erykah badu: tyrone, seal, keane, hot chips, kenna...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"the people who are the hardest to love usually need it the most"

Love has no rules. It happens when you least expect it, often when you don't want it, many times when you can't handle it. It often times scares you, surprises you, shakes you down to your very core.
When love hits you for the very first time, you question your sanity as your entire world feels and looks different. What is it, you ask yourself? Why do I turn to jelly when I think of Him? When I wake up in the morning why is my first thought of Him?
Just as often you think: what will I do when he is gone, when I can no longer smell his particular aroma next to me because he is no longer there?
No one is easy to love. We all come from different places emotionally and making the connection is often fraught with difficulties, misunderstandings and failures of comprehension and communication. We all speak a different emotional language as different from one another as if we were from different planets.
How do we manage somehow to bridge these gaping chasms, then? How do we manage to fall in/ resign ourselves to/let down our open ourselves up to love?

Friday, April 18, 2008

random thoughts on a friday night before i go out to the only semi-gay bar in sb...

so here i am, dressed in a pair of polo madras shorts circa 1975 that my uncle gave me, a black lacoste shirt with the collar NOT lifted and a pair of black lucchese western boots waiting for carlos and greg to get ready. now remember carlos and greg are currently on bail for trying to kill each other a week ago and "causing a general (as opposed to a specific...whatever both of those terms mean in this context)state of mayhem" at q's nightclub and pool hall: as the citation reads.
carlos ex/current gf has flown the coop supposedly to eureka california the nothern most place in california and still be in california.she is a fugitive as in bonnie w/o clyde.

bob-0-licious: we had our weekly mentor/student conference this week but instead of lunch we had dinner (as in we ate in a restaurant after 5 pm in the evening...a restaurant that caters to mostly adults with a certain level of sophistication and an upscale menu with a wine list and a sommelier)and a bottle (or 2 of wine) and neither of us were scooped up by God and flung into hell. though i didn't question the invitation or more to the point the change in the time and locale of the invitation but i'm thinking that it has everything to do with talbot my first grade teach and bob's thinking that talbot and i may have had sex...which we didn't and won't. unfortunately neither will bob and i at least until i get my phd or when i slip bob a mickey.

the big plan this summer is to once again teach and attend classes at nyc's columbia uni for approx. 3 months beginning in june. all of you dudes that i met last summer (and got along with...the others please don't)please get in touch.

american idol: i love this show and this season my just be the best one ever. i just wish that dread locked boy (jason) and daughtry-clone (something-cook) should be booted asap but somehow they are still hanging on. i think that 16 year old david is a doll and is almost great singer. on top of all of this, mariah carey's appearance this week was too funny/real/mariah-ish to be believed.

speaking of tv programs: am i the only one who watches the brit series, "coupling" on bbc america? i know it is several years old but all of the characters are so well written and acted that it is pretty well neigh too good to resist. any series that does a program solely based on sausages and bmw's is ok in my book.

chocolate: trader joe's has THE best chocolate bars (and i mean big ass one pound bars) imported from belgium that are unbelievably luscious as well as incredibly delicious. $2.99??????? how do they make money on this stuff?

ok: carlos and greg have finished fucking and are now ready to leave for q's. carlos is wearing 501's, a black pascucci's tee (a local sb restaurant)and a pair of beat up work boots: untied and w/o socks. greg is wearing "those" shorts: you know the kind in army drag material with pockets at the knees, a tight white cashmere sweater and a pair of ecco lace up demi boots. so it is time to go...more later.
music today: elliott yamin's cd: love this guy...a former american idol reject, mary j, mariah carey, madonna's new one, mylene farmer, zazie, chimene, caetano veloso, kaskade....

Monday, April 14, 2008

i'm in lust with eric case....

as you all may have noticed, everytime you open your blogspot dashboard the angelic, toothsome , sexy face of one eric case, soon to leave, appears: like an internet michael the arch angel, ready to steal your heart and inflame your loins.

i realize that i write quite a few blogs on the nature of lust, love and sexy men...but so be it. unfortunately i can't see an end of this in sight: i'm doomed to a life of loving and lusting after men i think are hot. and mr. eric case is one and my newest.

i know nothing of eric ( i can call him by his given name now in that i have now declared myself to you and to him if he is reading...which i doubt) except that he lives in san francisco (ahem, ahem) which doesn't mean that he is automatically gay or that he is gay at all. but gay or not...what brought me to eric's charms are his pearly whites and the way he exposes them in his big guy, i like everyone and everyone likes me, grin as exemplified in the photo above.

eric is the type of guy who would play catch with your little brother, knit with your mother, talk baseball with your father and do shots of anejo tequila with you.

reading the story surrounding the photo above you realize that eric likes to eat greasy hamburgers, drink beer and wear fashionable but ugly sunglasses.

i'm sure my fascination with eric will fade as quickly as it came to me especially when the police come and arrest me for stalking him. (alas, i wish i had time to stalk anyone except bob but at least with bob, i can actually converse, have coffee and buy him gifts)

eric: call me.



(100's of you have asked {ok, only one} about the carlos, greg debacle: everything is status quo: by that i mean the mayhem charges still stand, carlos and compnay are scared shitless and carlos and greg are back in school. carlos' gf is looking into entering a convent.)

music today: the B52's, mary j., janet, mariah (yes, i know), madonna's new one (yes, i know2), sting, the police, zazie, mylene farmer...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

running man returns

this vid is really cool: i've always loved the m.c. hammer fueled dance...the running man.

very laid back sunday: lots of study time, made some major bucks yesterday cheffing at a breakfast catering thing and got my cock sucked by one of the party attendees. thank god he took great care in choking my chicken: cock sucking is becoming a lost art but rob took his time, enjoyed his work and on top of that he swallowed my seed so that there was minimum cleanup. thanks rob, you are a true artist!


listened to tons of stuff today while hitting the books, though all of it was on the quiet-storm variety: david sylvain, smokey, seal, joni mitchell (her blue period), rachmaninov...

btw: though not a rabid madonna fan, i think i was the only gay man in all of so/cal that did not see here last year, i'm kinda liking her new song with timbaland and timberlake...

Saturday, April 12, 2008


from the los angeles times today:
Priscilla Presley
According to People magazine, the "Dancing with the Stars" contestant was treated by an unlicensed surgeon and is planning to undergo more surgery to correct it.

why would one of he richest women in hollywood have work done by an "unlicensed surgeon?"
(carlos, greg and carlos' gf were arrested last night for, what the sb police are calling....mayhem) a good word i think to describe what went on last night at q's....

Friday, April 11, 2008


carlos and greg are going on their first offical gay date tonight. as i'm sure you remember, carlos was/is straight with a girlfriend who up to last week only fucked women. then greg came into his life and now he is gay.
psychologically speaking this is impossible i tell carlos
me: carlos, this is impossible
carlos: why? why can't a person change his mind about his sexuality when he finally meets THAT special person who flips him?
me: it makes more sense to me if you told me that you thought that the world was must have had homo feeling prior to meeting greg....
carlos: no i didn't. greg changed my mind about my sexuality by way of his imposing charm and charisma (btw readers i am not making this up, carlos actually said this)
me: carlos, greg is neither charming nor charismatic though he does have a certain geeky attraction. plus he does have nice toes...i'll give you that....
carlos: when have you seen his toes?
me: what diff does that make? btw: what do you intend to tell your gf...who i noticed stayed over last night and unless you were strangling her, seemed to be enjoying you last night....
carlos: i will tell her tonight...
me: tell her exactly what? she's going to be at q's tonight also?
carlos: tell her that i am bi and that greg is the other half of the equation....
me: ok: let's think about this: first of all we know that greg can whip your ass and has done so very recently, right? and from the looks of your gf and the fact that she is built like a ukranian water polo player...she also looks like a formidble foe...the question is: who's ass is she going to whomp on first, yours or gregs? or: will she and greg turn on you......
carlos: i guess this is going to be one of THOSE nights, huh, bro?
me: hmmmm....yes mah brotha...we will probably never be allowed back in q's after tonight.....

bob-o-licious has finally commented on mr talbot. you remember, mr talbot with whom i shared a french kiss on upper state street in front of ihop: the man who was my first grade teacher?
anyway: bob asked me if , after he left, did talbot and i go off and have sex. for once, i didn't blush, high tail it out of there nor act a fool: i merely smiled and slowly walked out of bob's office.

the weather here in sb has been super: mid 80's and the beach has been calling me while i remain in my room studying, studying, studying. but this weekend i have a gig up in pismo beach with a catering company to cook for a family reunion. and said reunion is on the beach at pismo: we can wear what we like and what i like is swim togs, a tee shirt and a pair of flips. hopefully, since i am manning the bbq, i will not set my shirt on fire as i did the last time i worked this gig a few months ago.
i like doing these gigs because the money is great and i don't ask the uncs (uncle michael) for money to live on since he does so much for me already. in fact i'm going to buy him a "bra" for his new porsche because he freaks every time a rock off the road nicks his front end. i always like to do things for the uncs though, if it involves cash, i normally don't have the opportunity.

YAZ featuring the enduring legend alison moyet is coming to los angeles and i will definitely check this big event out as Yaz has not been to la in 25 years or so the ads say. check out yaz on itunes: situation, don't go are two of their greatest songs particularly the remixes.

john adams (our 2nd president for those of you who don't know) is a very great tv mini series currently playing on HBO. adams is probably smiling from heaven as this series puts a face, personality and major intellect on the almost secret presidency and political career of this man. adams was definitely worried about how he would be remembered as he was overshadowed in his time and subsequently by the monumental careers and personas of george washington, ben franklin and thomas jefferson.
one of the things that i really like about this series (directed by tom hooper who also directed helen mirren's prime suspect) is that all of these men, who in our minds are considered almost saints; men who conceived, fought for and won what we now call the USA,are treated as living breathing human beings: warts and all. check it out.
john quincy adams (john's son and the us's 3rd president) to his father: did you care one whit about your children and your wife while you were in europe begging the french and the dutch for money to continue the revolution? did you ever wonder if we were ok and that maybe we needed our father? riveting stuff.

i'm off now to the gun store to buy a bullet proof vest for tonight's st valintine's massacre starring carlos, greg and carlos' gf.
stay tuned.
today's music: Yaz, alison moyet, laura nyro, kenna, heavenly, seal, mary j., heart, chopin etudes, eric satie....

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

brits that i have loved and lusted after: the short list

part 1: in no particular order:
1. matt grant: the bachelor
he's tall (6'5"), handsome, charming, loves to drink, looks great in rugby gear and probably knows how to knit a sweater and build a fire in the woods. i can see us together kicking a ball around, taking champagne breaks and peeing side by side at matching latrines without rancor.

2. eric bana: the star
strictly speaking, bana is not a brit but, being from australia, he certainly is/was a british subject: actually england used australia as a penal colony many years ago.
anyway, i just watched him in a film called lucky me in which he played a professional gambler, an american. his hair is long and he doesn't turn green or burst out of his shirt or battle with brad pitt but he is adorable in a beaten, rumpled, beautifully doomed way: just my kind of guy. he and i would have many children and i would bake him apple pies as well as wipe his butt after he used the facilities.

3. daniel craig: the sex pot
though mr craig certainly came to acting prominence with his james bond, i have known him for years in a number of his quirky film roles as in the mother in which he fucked a much much older woman: no not his mother but someone else's.
but i don't want daniel to fuck anyone but me. we would live in surrey. i would drive a cab and meet him daily after his movie work and we would share a guinness, a plate of dried cod and bubbles and squeak. then we would go home and make love 5 or 6times.

4. tony blair: former pm
nothing is sexier than a man with power and tony blair is one sexy dude. yeah i know, he's not handsome and all but he is intelligent, well spoken and cute in a geeky way. it is also rumored that he is a jackal in the sack. life with tony would be a whirlwind of social engagements at the opera and the theatre but we would still have time to play bridge and drink loads of tea. i would bake him crumpets every morning before i went off to a day of psychoanalyzing cute rugby players. out life would be one of weekdays in the city and weekends at our home in dover.

5. jude law: the chameleon
one of the things i like about jude is that he changes his hair color as often as he does his underwear. in this picture, taken outside the dorchester on his way to take me to dinner last december he is dressed to impress. impress whom is the question, innit? carefully check out what he is wearing in this photo: jeans, jeans jacket, white tee shirt, armani cashmere shortie trench, snow boots and a beige skull cap and we were going to gordon ramsey's restaurant for dinner!
jude is a cuddly kind of dude. he likes to french kiss and is a master felcher. a long life with jude is out of the question as he is a major playa...just ask sienna miller. but i'll take him for as long as i can have him, wouldn't you?
part 2 of the list includes such sex gods as clive owen, robson green and daniel day lewis...stay tuned

american idol: the dread locked dude once again demolished a classic song: this week over the rainbow in which he accompanied himself on the ukulele....a UKULELE!
the daughtry-clone wore a white military inspired jacket and yelled his head off to maximum audience acclaim.

i listened to a lot of stuff today: the cult,led zeppelin, heavenly,talk. talk, maria callas, renata scotto, erykah badu, kaskade...

Monday, April 7, 2008

today, i french kissed my 1st grade teacher.......

though today is martin luther king's day and classes were not in session, i did have a lunch date with bob-o-licious. yes i know he viewed our date as a professor/student conference but for me i viewed our lunch as an assignation as sexual as any fervent, frenzied fuck in an alley behind a club at 2 am on a saturday night.
we met at 12 at ihop on upper state street (smirk if you must) i was wearing a pair of 501's, a pair of beige havana joe's flips and a black military style athletic cut shirt. he wore a pair of sweat shorts (no underwear), a pair of black leather flips and a wrinkled white (looked like a) brooks bros white shirt. he looked like an arch angel: all smiles, slightly befuddled and profoundly sexy.
anyway, he went on about goals and deadlines and paperwork necessary to complete my phd and all i could think about was how beautiful his lips were.
so we ordered lunch: he ordered waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, a soy capp and a glass of beer. i ordered fake eggs with cheddar cheese and mushrooms and spinach and coffee. we ate, he talked, i listened. he talked i listened. then it happened. my 1st grade teacher, mr. talbot walked up to us and asked if my name were tyler and if i had gone to saint thomas school in los angeles.
after about a minute, bob nudged me and nodded towards mr talbot in order that i respond. so i did. i said yes and asked how did you recognize me, mr talbot?
mr talbot grinned and said: i would never forget that beautiful mouth of yours. ok, think about this: a man who was your FIRST grade teacher has just complimented your 6 year old self by mentioning your mouth! strange, sick, maybe even disgusting.
i turned towards bob and his expression was blank, his mouth agape. he then got up and left leaving a 10 dollar bill.
i got up and asked talbot if he wanted to take a walk to el paseo so that we could talk.
talbot had to be well into his 60's but he still was attractive, slim and his eyes were full of life and wonder: all things that i recalled of him from my very early youth.
we went to starbucks and had coffee and spoke: actually he spoke about me as a 6 year old which bordered on ickyosity but i kinda got into it. it was obvious that he wanted to get to know me better but i'm 23, he's the doesn't work. he is too old to have children. he is too weird to meet my friends except as an object of derision which i wouldn't want to put him through. so instead: we french kissed on state street in front of the starbucks on lower state street. he caressed my ass i sucked his mouth. and then it was over but you have to admit it was a martin luther king's day to remember, innit?
music listens today:
bent, the jefferson ariplane, quicksilver messenger service, moby grape, andy caldwell, kajagoogoo, talk, talk, tracey thorn, roisin murphy, heavenly, zazie,
mylene farmer, chimene...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

sunday is the loneliest day of the week.....

for several years now, sunday has been my least favorite day of the week: a day i despise even more than monday.
some people view sunday as another day of weekend fun and therefore plan events such as picnics, public outings, beer busts and general partying. but since i have embarked upon my mission of becoming a a sports psychologist (a clinical psychologist with a specialty in sports...blah blah blah) within 8 years of graduating from high school, my sundays have become ones of study and preparation for the upcoming week. this means no partying, no public outings...i in essence become a monk except for the few hours at the end of the day when i settle down in front of the tv with a glass of something and watch the tudors, the l word, the amazing race...which ever of my favorite shows is on.
which brings me to the licentious, bawdy, sexy, silly, bodice rippin' henry the 8th drama on showtime...the tudors starring the mildly hot jonathan rhys myers as henry8 obviously as a young man not the beer gutted, mammoth, turkey leg devouring henry that we have come to love but a young, virile henry who likes sex, likes to scream "i am the KING" incessantly, loves women and horses not particularly in that order. the drama is also set before henry starts chopping his wives heads off to make way for their successors. the tudors is fun, the production is lavish and the men are pretty hot...there was even a gay dude last season who was in henry's inner circle but alas he seems to be gone this season.
all of the above being said, i have a lunch "date" with bob-o-licious tomorrow. of course he thinks that it is a student/teacher conference though i think otherwise, obviously. i like eating with bob because he eats like a real person. by that i mean he eats anything he wants (and still maintains a slammin' body): burgers, fries, cokes with sugar, bananas, french bread, butter, apple fritters, doughnuts in general, ice cream (not yogurt or that dastardly stuff they sell at pinkberry), cakes, pies, meatloaf, etc., etc. in other words, he is a natural man. bob is just more concerned with more important things than how many carbs he consumes every day. this is one of the many reasons that i love him and also when i order fries when i'm with him he doesn't give me "the eye"...and you all know what i mean by that.
carlos, my room mate has finally confided in me that he thinks that he is gay and that he may be in love with greg with whom he caused a major scene last week at q's. he is so clueless or playing clueless that he has asked me how to "be" gay. i told him: act above it all, pretend you're interested in others real feelings, say sarcastic things, do things usually associated with those men who were called metrosexuals in the 90's. i also said that it wouldn't hurt to love madonna, kylie, tina and rem. this i said would give him a good start in places like the abbey in west hollywood (weho).
getting back to sunday tv, on bbc america tonight one of my favorite actors,who happens to be a brit, robson green returns in a mini series, "wire in the blood." but right now, an hour before it starts there is a bbc doc called "my big breasts and me." one of the subjects of the doc wears a 40G bra...this in a nutshell is why i love the english.
music-wise today it was classical day: prokoviev, rachmaninov, joan sutherland, joan baez and the clash......

Friday, April 4, 2008

leaving las vegas....

as you all know (all 3 of you) i was in las vegas for the better part of this week. i attended a trade show with a friend and therefore i went basically for free except for the money that the golden nugget hotel stole from me via their rotten, cold hearted roulette tables.
i actually had a great time, drank lots of good tequila, ate at craft(owned by top chef dude, tom colicchio) in the mgm grand and generally had a gay old time.
which brings me to ben sanderson: shown in the photo above shopping for liquor in las vegas; liquor that he will consume on his way to drinking himself to death in the film, leaving las vegas...which by the way he never does unless you count in a pine box via a hearse.
now, if i wanted to kill myself, would i choose the slow agonizing method of death by alcohol poisoning? (which by the way, is graphically demo'd in this terrific though downbeat film)
i think not. for a week or so, ben does have a great time staying drunk most of the time as most of us would also enjoy. then...the fun stops, his body rebels and he mostly just lays about being ministered by the gorgeous elizabeth shue: she of the large breasts and doe eyes. though i am unapologetically gay, i probably would stop drinking if asked nicely by ms. shue...but one of the hooks of the film is that in order to remain by his side, ms. shue promises not to ask this question of our boi ben. though all of this is very dramatic in a days of wine and roses way (jack lemmon and lee remick...yes i do know films pretty well...and what i don't know my uncs knows)but the nagging questions are: why doesn't ben just swallow some valium along with his daily diet of 3 quarts of whiskey and be done with it and how is it that such a sexy, beautiful woman such as ms shue just doesn't leave...i mean the film is titled LEAVING las vegas, right? well, the short reason is pretty simple, innit? we wouldn't have a movie then, now would we?
so, elizabeth goes out and hooks on las vegas blvd by day and shares a couple 100 shots of whatever with ben at night until he succumbs to ye olde devil liquor.
those of you out there think you have relationship problems should take a gander at the central relationship of this film and thank your lucky stars (why is it that i am using every cliche' in the book today?) that ben is not your man.
ok: nicolas cage as ben. he's charming in a loosey-goosey way, he has beautiful toes, he's tall but c'mon: wouldn't the film have more resonance among gays or women if ben were played by george clooney or brad pitt??? the str8 guys have elizabeth shue to ogle here, who do we have? nicolas cage...though the rumor is that he has a huge penis...we never see it which is downright ridiculous as the dude is magnificently plastered for most of the movie. certainly after a certain point he would remove all vestiges of his clothing as he sheds all vestiges of his former and future life through the careful inhalation of as much alcohol as he possibly can injest, right?
anyway, check this film out but if i were you i would have a quart of something nearby: something stronger than diet coke...if you know what i mean
listened to laura nyro all day which seemed a fitting tribute to ben and ms shue.