Tuesday, October 7, 2008

"your happiness makes others sad..."

as a way of avoiding the presidential debate tonight, i clicked the tv over to hbo and the chris rock special. it was he who spouted the above statement. it is true of course though people who are happy (as in me) tend to forget it. but i promise you, we forget it only for a short period of time. then comes a period of indecision and negative enlightenment and then it goes away. so i will be god damned if i don't grab onto to it now that i have it. and if i make you sad because i am happy be assured that i will once again be counted in the ranks of the sad, the unhappy, the disgusted, the one counting my degrees instead of giddily counting the moles on my man's back.
and is sad the correct word? shouldn't it be jealousy, which is a far cry from sad, i think in that with sadness there is usually pathos whereas with jealousy there is only despair and self-hate.
so i'm thinking about what timmy said the other day in regards to my bubbling over happiness bubbling over. his comment came from a kind place, of course...but a realistic one also.
basically, to be honest, my life has not been a big fuckin' bowl of cherries and in regards to my current happiness: it will not last. the other shoe will drop. i will come to hate bob's habits or he will come to despise mine.
we both have a lot invested in our relationship: time,emotional committment, reputation. we're deliriously happy. deal with it.
peace,
tyler

13 comments:

Tim in Italy said...

Living in the moment is best, but no one knows the future. I'm not entirely sure where this is all coming from. I'll concentrate on you both being deliriously happy for now. And, yeah, you'll get nothing but kind thoughts from me.

tyler said...

tims:
it is surprising to me how many people read my blog and do not comment but instead send me e-mails.
enough said?
peace,
t.

W said...

i was interested in Tim's comment as well becuase i wasnt exactly sure about where it was coming from or who it was for?

Blogging seems to me an essentially therapeutic process (as i guess it would!) and your posts have, as i previously mentioned, begun sounding slightly odd, not quite right. I dont think it makes me feel jelous (that would be one for my analyst) or sad.

I guess i'm just left wondering about what you think the purpose of your writing is? and who exactly your trying to create this vision of your world for?

Let me put this another way. It seems people who write blogs do less so when they are busy with relationships. feeling perhaps less of a need for the outlet. For you it seems a bit different.

tyler said...

w:
the business of carrying on a relationship and being back in school full time has definitely cut into my blogging. i really only have time to blog maybe twice a week.
for whom am i writing? for myself so as to release pent up emotional debris. i'm not sure why you say that what i write is getting stranger or odder but in reality this is the first time in a long time that i have had a man and been involved in a real committed relationship. i will admit to being giddy a lot, unable to concentrate except about bob but strange, weird, revolting, disgusting? nah----i'm just in love.
peace,
t.
(see my response to tim in regards to the impetus for writing yesterdays entry)

Anonymous said...

If you run out of emotional debris, I have some overflow you can access! Like right now, hate for the neighbor and her stereo. bitch!

I'm thrilled that your GIDDY a lot!

El Loco is acting funny today by the way...have a good week.

tyler said...

closet:
el loco seems fine to me. so you feed him. he doesn't like those who withold the strawberries.
peace,
t.

Jérem' said...

What can i say now? except that i like your new music selection...

tyler said...

j:
nice to hear from you. yes, i also love my current lead song.
t.

W said...

i dont think i said revoltibg or disgusting

tyler said...

w:
implications, w, implications...

WillySmith said...

I thoroughly enjoyed the title of this post. It kinda went downhill from there. Making other people miserable by appearing more happy than they are is an essential life skill that should be cultivated among all men.

tyler said...

willy-boi:
well at least i had you for 2 seconds. btw: where the fuck you been, man?
Making other people miserable by appearing more happy than you are is an essential life skill that should be cultivated among all men.
hahaha! that is soooo bad! you are unbelievably negative....kind of a turn on actually...a negative turn on but a turn on nonetheless.
peace,
t.

Anonymous said...

El Loco is back to normal...earlier he was stuck with just his ass hanging out to the right....poor thing couldn't move it seemed. Hmmm, strawberries!

Maybe it was my computer? lol. Can't be ruled out.

Hope things are well in SB--check back next week to see what's going on with you.