Sunday, February 22, 2009

it's over...for now

i guess it was bound to happen: certainly if you listened to my friends who would almost daily tell me how wrong/disjointed/crazy/ silly, unfathomable it is/was/ will always be.
i love and trust my friends but when you really love someone and by that i mean: REALLY love from the deepest and darkest regions of your heart and soul one can tell you anything. they all tried to set me on the course that they would walk if they were in the same position that i found myself.
and i found myself about a year ago faced with the man of my dreams: youngish, handsome, vulnerable, physically and mentally strong/ what's not to love, heh?
there was no big bang, no big explosion, no huge argument. we parted as friends a week ago and we will remain friends.
the age difference was too much to overcome maybe. maybe he misses women. but he loves me: this much i know. this much he has told me. but something is missing and neither of us can pinpoint it: which may very well be the problem.
this morning was the first sunday morning in a long time that he wasn't here with me, stumbling out of our bed, hair askew scrounging for coffee and food. i missed that and i missed him.
but hey: he will also miss me. of this i am sure. this is about all that i will say about this. i am going to be really corny here and quote a phrase from one of my favorite, if not my very favorite poem:
WHEN your face
appeared over my crumpled life
at first I understood
only the poverty of what I have.
Then its particular light
on woods, on rivers, on the sea,
became my beginning in the coloured world
in which I had not yet had my begninning.
I am so frightened, I am so frightened,
of the unexpected sunrise finishing,
of revelations
and tears and the excitement finishing.
I don't fight it, my love is this fear,
I nourish it who can nourish nothing,
love's slipshod watchman.
Fear hems me in.
I am conscious that these minutes are short
and that the colours in my eyes will vanish
when your face sets.



Jérem' said...

Owwwww, so so sad... :'(

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Ahhh shucks man =(

I'm not gonna trait this by saying something trivial or pointed. "I'm sorry to hear this" is all I will say. Head up gezzer tmrw is another day.

Much love & peace,

A x

PS - you know where I am if you wanna talk.

tyler said...

j and george:
thanks guys for your support. i'm doing ok. i'll be fine.

Tim in Italy said...

I'm sorry to hear this as well. But you seem okay with it, so you must have given it a great deal of thought.

"Age difference". Gulp.

On the bright side, Willy's still available... bright side?

tyler said...

age diff is supposedly always a concern, yes? i don't think that that was it between bob and i though.
willy? he's an enigma, innit?

Rick said...

So sorry to hear this. Hopefully you'll both find what you need in a friendship.