Friday, August 8, 2008

it's new york city, after all......

i forget sometimes where i am/have been the last few months. though l love los angeles as i would a sister, i adore new york.
i forget how lucky i am to be here getting a taste of the greatest city in the world. and though some would paint new york as a city that is hard to get to know, i personally have not found her to be so.
i visited nyc several times before my last and this years stay here as a student and intern but it is not until you live here that you get to really know her.
take this for example:
pretzel vendor in columbus circle: so sweet cheeks (as she takes me in with her eyes from head to bare toes) what can i do for you? if it is more than a pretzel and mustard, i get off at 8 pm....hehehehe.
me: ahhh, a pretzel with cheese sauce please...extra cheese food please...oh yeah and a diet pepsi, m'am.
vendor: you can do better than that, can't you?
me: ok, how about a cheddar pretzel with a diet black cherry with extra whole grain mustard (i say sheepishly because frankly this woman is freakin' me out)
vendor: now you're talkin', here's my card,(a street vendor with a calling card? is this a new trend or what? wasn't it one of the vampires that had a calling card also?) call me if you get hard up for a good fuck (being offered sex on the street is a nyc thing, i guess. nothing like this would ever happen in santa barbara, believe me. on the other hand what if i would have said something like: sure babe, let's do it here and now?)
me: how much?
vendor: 0 bucks for you, give me a call.( i did leave her 5 bucks in her can, though)
me: (blushing from head to flip clad toes) ok thanks ma'am.
vendor: you call me m'am again immagonnacut your balls off, get it kid?
me: yes m'am..i mean yes, thanks
so did this horny 60'ish street vendor confine her sexual pursuits on me?
how do i know this? she pulled her sex scam on a 50'ish chubby dude who tried to buy a pretzel right after me.....i heard her...ha!
just to counterbalance all the seeming adulation of above...this:
me: i'd like a new york times please
newsparer vendor: what? you blind? there it is, grab one and pay me and get the fuckoutta here, charm-boi!
me: thanks, man. i haven't been called charm-boi yet today.
news vendor: what youamuthafuckinsmartass: move along or i'll pull those street sunglasses off your nose and stomp them....(ok, i'm basically a chill type of person but this scrawny fucked up dude is making my scalp you know i was wearing ray-ban wayfarers, yeah? i probably should have just slunk away fron this all at this point but i wanted to play with the crazy man a bit more...)
me: eat my ass, pervert! (always good to ask the crazy dude to do something gay...just so that he will let loose...even more)
news vendor: yeah you'd like that wouldn't you, fag-boi!
i have had a number of these altercations and with each one i get better at it. at first i just sort of looked sheepish and freaked out then with each one i got it! i got the who's and the why's: ya know...what the rules are of this particular kind of game called: how to deal with street people whether they be vendors or..err...street people. it's all a game to see who can "get to" the other. it is also a way for the vendors to find out who the tourists are and who are not.
i have graduated with honors, i think into the realm of the indigenous people: new yorkers as it were.
my dorm neighbors are students here at the uni, they play madonna incessantly, smoke so much dope that it seeps under the thin walls between us and generally have sex with each other and others as much as is humanly possible.
one of my neigbors is frank. frank is cute, 20 ish, lean, cut, eats whatever he wants and never works out though sports a ridiculously insane physique.
anyway, frank and i walked to campus together yesterday and i learned that frank was only recently frank...i.e. he was heretofore francine. oh yeah and francine is a prostitute and oh yeah: francine is a cwad...a chick with a dick. so all the sex i hear happening is francine satisfying straight guys with her penis which she navigates into their mouths and anuses. francine charges 1000 bucks (she says) and asks if bob is unattached. all i said to her was: ask him. ( what i like about francine is that, assuming she really does make 1000 bucks a trick, she continues with her education and her phd is in physics mind you...makes you think, huh?)
everyone here has a story to tell. everyone here is more than willing to tell you that story whether you want to hear it or not.
i love it here and i am sad that i will be leaving soon. more about nyc later.

THE OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY: WOW! Yimou Zhang, director of the sublime "house of the flying daggers" and the even more over the top art directed "curse of the golden flower" (the formations in the ceremony echo the formations in both of these films) has designed, produced and directed this breath-taking spectacle.


music: listen to the ipod. choose a song, play it and let me know what you think.


Tim in Italy said...

Well, the way I see it, if you stay in NY you're 5 hours closer to Lyon and the red wine and chocolate barefoot marathon. Who can argue with that? Then we can sit around the chic little gay bar and watch the very hot skate boarders near the fountain... I wonder if it's coincidence that the boys show off right in front of the gay bar.

Good lookin' new photo, Slick. No wonder street vendors are giving you stuff for free.

tyler said...

nyc as my home base? i think it would lose it's glamour and what do i do about you know who?
street vendors: yeah that woman is a loon: a loon out for anything in pants..
SIAL is in october: no dice for me. but there is still my euro holiday after xmas.
skateboarders/gay bar: do you know anyone who has had any of these sk8r's?
new photo: as usual it was going to be a shirtless one but my cousin jerry suggested i wear his sweater. i hate the sweater but like the photo of me.