Saturday, September 27, 2008

THE moms...part I

bob asked me to go with him to seattle, washington this week but did not tell me why until we were on the plane heading for the cool, crisp city of kirkland, home of costco.
me: why kirkland? you know that seattle is very cosmopolitan city, right? we could stay downtown and eat and drink ourselves into a coma.
bob: we can still do that in kirkland but i want you to meet my mother and she lives in kirkland.
me: GULP
bob: you ok? you look pale. my moms is a great cook and baker and she know all about you and me.
me: GULP
bob: say something (bob is often disturbingly calm which makes him good at what he does but also kinda drives me crazy). maybe i should have warned you before, huh?
me: (trying to be cool, calm) well yes. i mean i could have gotten my hair cut, gotten a facial, a pedicure, baked some of my famous brownies. but most of all: i thought your family was in maine?
bob: all but moms is in maine. she is in kirkland and i want you to meet her because i love you and i want her to love you also.
(fuck, i hate when he closes the window to an argument with shit like this. so i melt and say...)
me: ok. i hate when you say things like that.
bob: no you don't. you like me to say things like that.
(there he goes again)
me: hmmmm. how do we get to kirkland?
so, we fly to seattle, rent a car, drive to kirkland, which reminds me of the marina section of san francisco and go meet the moms. her name is dorothy. she is 64, divorced from bob's father for 10 years. she supposedly knows all about me and is dying to meet me or so says bob.
the house: wow! 3 levels, right on lake washington. nice. very nice.
dorothy is at first reserved, though dressed as she was, i was on to her. she was wearing: very high, very expensive slip on heels, snug lady 501's (she is thin so this is ok), a flowery, pucci print blouse and a simple diamond ring. i thought to myself: this woman looks cool, very hip and she looks about 48 not 64.
anyway, bob seems to move into the background as moms and i sniff each other out. she checks me out as in checks out what i am wearing. thank god i always try to look cool whenever i am with bob because that's what guys do when they are with their man, right? i'm wearing: 501's, black leather flips (havana joe's: very thin, very bare), a lime green lacoste shirt, athletic cut which means it's snug (collar decidedly down). i have to bring a sweater as it is cool and rainy in seattle. i bring a circa 1960's (actually 1963) letterman's sweater from los angeles high school: very cool.
at first, dorothy and i had to make sure that the outside was cool before we could pursue what is inside. we both passed. now it was time for lunch.
no matter what anyone says, liquor always helps in situations like this. bob and i had stopped at the local costco and bought a case of pinot we were ready.
and: lunch was fun, revealing as in dorothy told me things about bob that i didn't know. things that only mothers know about their sons, for example:
1. bob was difficult to potty train because he liked the feling of a warm wet, poopy diaper. hmmmm.
2. bob, when he wasn't shitty, liked to be naked always pulling off his clothes in private and public and embarrassing moms. yes, i believe this, because bob still likes to be naked though now it is mostly in private.
3. bob sucked his thumb until he was 12. i told moms that he still enjoys sucking things but it isn't his thumb. SILENCE. then dorothy bursts out laughing and that chasm between liking and not liking closes. dorothy and i at least like each other. bob is red as a beet but nonetheless squeezes my knee which gives me a hardon. and no dorothy didn't see me tenting. i think.
the food was absolutely first rate: cajun chicken salad with nappa cabbage with an incredible dressing. home baked rolls (whole grain. this alone would make me love someone. you gotta love anyone who can bake like this), a banana cake with lemon cream cheese dressing and of course the great washington state pinot noir. lunch was great. dorothy is nice and she and i got on very well.
we finished lunch and then had drinks on the terrace overlookng lake washngton until 1 am. dorothy hits the sheets at 10. bob and i sit out on the deck until 1, drinking, talking and making out.
speaking of bob and i making out: it was a little difficult at first because we were both kissing tops and when we kissed it was like a fight for dominace. he was used to kissing women who naturally i guess fall into the bottom role while i always kissed a dude as the dominant one. so now we have two dominants trying to lock lips and it was awkward to tell the truth. one of us had to be a kissing bottom or it just wouldn't work. guess who has taken the bottom role?
end of part one.


Tim in Italy said...

This is absolutely the most charming post you've ever written. I am totally happy for you! Imagine, Tyler vulnerable and a bit shy. I am totally stoked!

tyler said...

but i have always been shy and weird around bob though i know and accept his feelings for me without reservation. this whole meeting the mom thing was a shocker for me and i even thought about getting off the plane. but you know asking to do shit like that would have me arrested by the TSA so i figured meeting moms was a better choice.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

I agree with Tim. This really is the most charming post you've written. I adore it. Who knew you were so meek and mild mannered LOL.

I'm glad for one that it went so well and I eagerly await the next installment.

And as for that sucking comment.. bravo. That was world class kid. World class.

Lola Lopsa said...

how can you be top or bottom in a Kiss ? Never thought of that before...

tyler said...

george: meek and mild mannered?
meeting your in laws is scary, heh?
surely this phenomena has happened to others: when kissing there has got to be a superior and an inferior or the whole process just won't work. yes?

Jérem' said...

Absolutely romantic! ;) I'm really happy for you. And momma dorothy is apparently a very nice woman. You feel very lucky right now, don't you?

tyler said...

no, bob is lucky to have me....hehehe
i feel a little scared, though.
hope your weekend was cool.

dit said...

Seattle is a beautiful city. That is so sweet. I am so happy to hear you and Bob are getting along so well. Meeting Mom is a pretty big step. I agree with Tim, this is very sweet.

tyler said...

no, ditman: YOU are so sweet.
i hope all is well with you and your man.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering where you might've been. Your blog went kind of silent for longer then usual I thought.

As the resident closeted fucked up dude, that was so nice to read Tyler. I read it waiting for the doom and gloom moment and there wasn't one, how Normal!!!!

You have a gift of presentation in your writing too.
I'm thrilled it was what it was for a lot of reasons, but mainly just happy for you!

tyler said...

you are a sweet man. thanks for the compliments.