bob is in maine and brokeback mountain is on.....

in many ways it is a bit of a relief not to have bob here for a week as he is in maine visiting family.
it gives me some time to reflect on what the fuck i am doing with a maybe gay, maybe str8 man who for all intents and purposes is particularly emotionally unsuited for me.
so, is he bi? bi men are the worst: they will never make the decision to go either way because the pussy or the cock is so plentiful. i mean why go either way if you can have both and feel equally turned on by one and the other? it's like heaven, ain't it? i have a friend scott who i have known since grade school who is bi and loves every minute of it. we were on the strand in manhatten beach one evening,we had just fucked and decided to get a bite to eat at the hermosa beach pier. in the time it took for us to walk to the pier from his house, he had made dates with another man for that night and with a woman for the next. but is he happy? yes, some 6 years after that night he is happy, un-married of course and is doing very well professionally. is bi-sexuality a panacea? who knows? is not wanting to commit to anyone and not feeling guilty about it a panacea? who knows?
bottom-line, we all need to commit sooner than later: to our lives, to our professions, schools and ultimately to one person.
can bob do this? i don't know but i have the feeling that because he is so emotionally malleable that i can force him to commit to me. i can emotionally coerce him to love me and to be happy for awhile.ok, i've said it and it is not pretty, i admit it. but it would be great for a while until he realized what was happening. then he would bolt. and i will be devastated, right? yes.
so what am i going to do? i honestly don't know as of this writing.
anyway, brokeback mountain is on and watching jack and ennis i think to myself: what the fuck am i belly-aching about?
peace,
tyler

music to ruminate to: verdi's requiem (price, pavarotti), jonas kaufmann, kaskade, stevie, marvin gaye (yes, let's get it on...seemed appropriate), heavenly, andy caldwell, alison moyet, duffy...