Monday, July 7, 2008

he's back....

though of late (as in the last week or so)i have been telling myself that bob is not the man for me, that maybe (just maybe W) that our relationship is inappropriate: a "relationship" that heretofore has consisted of one chaste kiss...ok maybe not so chaste but only one nonetheless...once i saw him waiting for me after my internship today, standing in front of my face with a snug "i heart ny" tee shirt, black levis shorts and a pair of black leather flips, all his male pulchritude on view for all to see, i melted and all the feelings that i have tried to talk myself out of, all the emotions that i have covered with chocolate, red wine, anejo tequila and fucking under-grad hotties came forth unguarded, surrounded with magic.
i saw him after 10 days standing before me smiling, waving at me like i was returning from war, arriving after a long vacation and something very deep inside me erupted: is it love? is it admiration? is it the type of love that can be called brotherly...or is it the real thing? i don't know but i would be lying to him and to you if i said that seeing him again did not stir me to my core.
i mean, like a scene out of a fuckin' super romantic movie, we ran towards each other, embraced and yes kissed right there on 121st. street.
oddly enough, while in the throes of all of this i was thinking: is this a chaste, brotherly kiss or is this a we are gonna end up making the beast with 2 backs pronto kiss?
i know you want to hear something concrete here but i cannot give it to you. all i can say once again is: i do not know. we certainly did not have sex after that. what we did do is go to carmines on 44th street and eat or more to the point he ate and i watched him consume large quantities of wine and food. ok, i had some wine also.
and we talked about his trip and we talked about his family and i talked about school and my internship and our legs and thighs and arms were touching the whole time.he didn't move away from me and it felt good and it felt close.
he said he missed me and i concurred.
i DID say that when i get back to santa barbara and the university that i had to request a different phd sponsor and he said that yes that is what he had been thinking.
i purposely held back talking about US and he of course being the shy, is he gay or is he str8 surfer dude said nothing in regards to that.
all he said was: i need to talk to you tomorrow.
i said, ok. what i really wanted to say was: would you please admit that you love me and want me to have your babies, get married and live happily ever after...but that was not to be, at least on this beautiful day, in exciting mid-town new york city on monday july 7th, 2008.
until tomorrow.

love or romantic songs were in order after today, right?:
whenever, wherever, whatever (maxwell): the ultimate love song, the confession (laura nyro), an empty glass (peggy lee), i try (angela bofill), let's get it on (marvin gaye), the man i love (billie holiday or carmen mccrae), he's so fine (the chiffons) you don't love me when i cry (laura nyro)...


Happy said...

Hey T, sounds like you've got a good thing rolling! can't wait to hear what the next conversation brings.. Don't stress things though, give him the time he needs and just be there.


tyler said...

there is a long history here between bob and i that you may want to read in some of my older blogs particularly this one:
(specifically wednesday june 8th...and you must read the comments...a couple in particular burned my eyes while reading them...)
other than that, you're sweet. thanks for the advice. with bob, i have no choice but be patient as emotionally...he has no idea where he wants to go.

Tim in Italy said...

The Bob-Drama is moving at a nice pace. If you have to go away for a while you can still pick up the thread... I have to find out how Bob got to NY... I know why you're in NY... this is so exciting!

In the meantime, the Central Park excursion just misses being Dionysian in scope... you would have had to have gotten naked to achieve the big "D". But a good effort.

dit said...

Awe, how romantic. No matter what the outcome, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

I love Manhattan, and if you can find love and be in Manhattan? I say who could ask for anything more.

I feel badly for those dealing with the Fires near Santa Barbara.

tyler said...

you would have thought that i would have thought about nudity in thatr situation especially as i was fueled by red wine, tequila and lust. i actually saw roger today on campus and he blew me a kiss...can't beat those 19 year olds, huh?
i love your sunny, positive way of looking at things. yes, the fires are not good and very close to the ucsb campus but not close enough to cause any problems except those problems in regards to ash and smoke which can be cleaned up.