chocolate

there is a chocolate (belgian) shop in rockefeller center that makes cocoa truffles with bittersweet chocolate innards that make you almost cum. ok once a few years ago...oh nevermind.
i go there sometimes alone, buy 2 of the above (15 bucks), watch the freak show: a combination of beautifully dressed business men and women, street people, tourists, japanese teens with braces, etc., etc., etc.
i stare, i get stared at, i get stared through. i smile, i get smiled at. i get ignored a lot. i honestly don't take this personally as those who ignore seem to have so much to do and so little time to do it.
i 86'd school today and hid out on the streets of new york. (no i did not tell bob as i needed a time out from him. but if i told him that he might have crumbled before my eyes...he has made and is making a huge emotional deposit in our relationship. as i have said several times about him: he is earnest and forthright and wants to do right by me: he's my gary cooper though he looks like the photos i've seen of gary cooper from the 1930's...so sexy of self, so warm of personality...)
ok: i walked from the uni near harlem to macy's on 36th street and to be honest i ate evertyhing i could lay my hands on: yes i was carbing it to beat the band!
today was one of those days in which i was comfortable in my own skin, able to enjoy my own company, found it unnecessary to enter into conversations with others...i was an island unto myself.
towards the afternoon, i saw that a new french film was playing and i was just lucky enough to walk by the theater just as the film was beginning. "tell no one" is the name: pretty brilliant ya know. a serious film based on an american thriller novel and adapted into a french milieu: about a woman's disappearance, the repercussions of said disappearance on the life of her husband who yearns for his wife to return as, because no body was ever found, his wounds refuse to heal: exactly the kind of movie that i wanted to see today. i was definitely in a pensive, what-is-my-life about, where am i going mood.
"tell no one" makes me once again realize how connected to france that i am. i spent many months over a period of 3 years (high school summers, actually) there (in paris) going to cooking school. i love the people, the language, the culture, the art and of course...the films.
i returned to my dorm room at 7pm to my roomie and bob waiting for me so that they could have dinner with me. they were deep in discussion when i arrived and i might have, in the past thought something was amiss: but not this night and not ever i think where bob is concerned. (i now worry that it will be me that breaks bob's heart. i dream about it. not good i'm thinking but i put it aside as best i can). though i ate truffles, gyros, pizza slices, diet pepsi and real ice cream sweetened with actual sugar...i smiled and sat down with my man and my room mate and discussed my day and marveled at how perfect ( i know i shouldn't say this as it will automatically go sour the minute i do)my life is now. does it get much better? (you can begin to retch just about here)
peace,
tyler

music: zazie, mylene farmer, chimene, gilbert becaud, charles aznavour, daft punk, kaskade, andy caldwell, alison moyet, stevie...