i see you....

there is a shattering, emotional, tear duct emptying scene in amy tan's/wayne wang's
film, "the joy luck club" in which a studious, devoted, always thinking of others never herself daughter (moms recalls how at the dinner that has just ended her daughter passed on the excellent crab and served herself the less excellent quality crab so that others would have a better meal), confronts her mother after a family dinner. the confrontation is one in which the daughter voices things both shocking and infuriating to her mother. a confrontation in which the daughter accuses her mother of preferring others to herself, accuses her mother of not knowing her daughter's real self.
the mother turns to her daughter and says simply and honestly: i see you. her daughter turns away and the mother repeats more emphatically: i SEE you. (i see you for who you are she is saying. i see you for the good, caring person you are...for the selfless soul with which you have been blessed. i see you as a reward from God for all my struggles, for all my pain, for all that i strived for but could never attain)
moms understands her daughter even more than the daughter understands herself: a kind of understanding that only comes from knowing, paying attention, listening and of course...it comes from loving. loving that comes from the gut. loving that comes from the eviscerating and total comprehension of another. it is also an easy love to feel because the object of your love is also your idol, your hero, your soul mate.
i crave this kind of transendental love. i hunger for this kind of love and understanding. i am on a daily search for this kind of love. god feeds my soul...of this there is no doubt.
i want bob to "get me" in this way. i want bob to see me.
peace,
tyler

music: mylene farmer, zazie, charles aznavour, stevie, marvin gaye, jill scott, kaskade (heartbeat especially), andy caldwell, frank, ella, sarah...